Not letting despair become your gravity

Last week and all the weeks ahead

After the gut punch of last week, I was immediately slammed with online, echo-chambers well-wishers telling me to “breathe” and “that it would be OK”. Now, I’m a tad rebellious by nature but despite the well-intentioned attempt at collective care, I don’t really like being told what to do.

And… it didn’t feel like it was going to be “OK”. Like, for whom will it be OK? I want to create a world and culture where it will be more than “OK”, but the hushing of emotion felt like funeral cheerleaders telling you “they are in a better place” and “at least they aren’t suffering anymore”.

Long-time readers will know I’m a fan of metabolizing emotions. Not doing so leads to emotional constipation and we all know how fun that “stuck” is.

I’ve done what was needed, for now (grief is never linear) and am back to me. And I think this key for many of us is (AND THIS IS NOT ME TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO):

👉The key is not to let despair become your gravity.

We’ll all do that in our own ways and there will be times when inspiration, guidance, and advice can support that. But I feel like that works for a lot of things: keeping one foot grounded in the now, while the other gets its any needed grief, disassociation, ugly cry, rage, or what have you expressed healthily* and without additional harm.

Beside, can either of us afford the gravity of despair?

Not me. Not emotionally or in the literal, financial sense. Nope.

I have BIG plans. My (often painful) year of a slow pivot to the “next thing” is nearly at the degree of completion, where I tell you my next and new work and next and new business (what you can expect from me going forward, and what we get to do together) and getting to start actually doing it!

I’m sharing that later this week. But as I work on my doctorate (in coaching and mentoring, for newer readers) AND re-realize how much I already know and can do, which has been a part of the learning of this round of grad school, we can be a part of making our culture so much more than the “it will be OK” offered to many of us on last week.

*healthily is an actual word, an adverb of healthy. I mean, I knew that it was a word but it didn’t seem like it when I typed it. Rest assured.

Context. Nuance. Discernment.
With gratitude,
Randi

Hello. My name is Randi Buckley.

AN AI image of me, generated without my consent. I’ll tell that story sometime. AI Randi gets more sleep than I do. But I like the hair.

I’ve been coaching for 30+ years and trained as a therapist.  My undergraduate degrees are in Modern Languages, Life Sciences/Anatomy and Physiology, and psychology. I have advanced degrees and/or graduate work in counseling psychology and medical ethics.  I am currently a doctoral student studying and researching coaching and mentoring. My coach training includes the Co-Active Institute, The Center for Right Relationship (Organizational and Relationships Systems Coaching), The Gottman Institute, and private mentorships with coaching mentors.  I was studying to become a midwife when I realized that for me, that was metaphorical. 

I have trained staff and/or presented at The OMEGA Institute , The Chopra Center, Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, Ben and Jerry’s, CANYON RANCH, served as an on-set coach for NBC-FRIENDS, Stanford University, UC-Riverside, run retreats in Norway, and more.  I am the creator of Healthy Boundaries for Kind People®, Maybe Baby®, and The Viking Woman Workshop.  I am the Associate Dean of Skogfjorden, the Norwegian Language Village, where I have been for 35 years. 

My clients include household names and big-brained/hearted common folk doing amazing things in the world. I hit the jackpot with parents who were not flawless, but were doing their own healing work, and raised with the mantra, do no harm, (be helpful, stand up for yourself and others) but take no shit. (I was raised by a Navy SEAL which proved to be a masterclass in teaching boundaries to others.)